Wednesday, August 18, 2010

best friends

i've been thinking a lot about friends lately and what it means to be a best friend. is it someone you do everything with and see all the time or someone you may not have talked to in forever but know they will always be there for you? as we get older our lives inevitably grow apart - friends move away, friends get busy with work, friends get boyfriends, friends change into the adult version of themselves - and that might not match the adult version of you.

i find myself longing for the way things used to be - simple, easy, fun, everyone in one place & aware of the weekend's plans before it even begins. yet, i also dream of new kinds of friendships that consist of honest conversations, grown-up activities and realistic expectations.

lately i've been feeling like i can never be enough for anyone - i should go out more, drink more, stay out later, be more fun, be more places, spend more money - and that's just my friends. i also have a job, a family, a boyfriend & pets that all depend on me. oh yeah - and myself to think about. i can't be everything to everyone - i know that, but i need to learn to be okay with that. no one's going to stop being friends with me if i don't go to the third bar of the night, right?

that said, "why don't my friends and i ever DO anything?" we go to (a lot of) bars, art shows, parties, concerts, etc. but those are all huge social events - i don't actually get to TALK to anyone or better my relationships. it can feel very superficial - what to wear, what to drink, did you hear what happened to so-and-so, omg i can't believe she's talking to him. believe me, i play into this just as much as the next girl, but lately i've been wanting more.

why don't we plan a day-trip, go sit on the beach, drive to the flea market, take a camping trip or hit up the dog park? actually DO something we'll remember the next day or look back on as a great day with friends. i guess because like i said before - friends move away, friends get busy with work, friends get boyfriends, friends change.

please know that i LOVE my girlfriends dearly and value different things about each of them that only they can give me - but i find our genuine interactions growing fewer and farther between. that's why i recently started a once-a-month dinner date with three of my besties. tonight will be our second round and i can't wait. it's the first of hopefully many new ways i can grow closer to the people who mean the most to me.

photo from flickr


rachel best henley said...

I love this post. Next thing you know that dinner with your three besties will turn into dinner with your eight besties ;) Ha. But I've often felt this very same way. When you have so many great people in your life you want to see them all as much as possible, but like you said that often diminishes the one-on-one time you spend with each of them too. And when you do [spend one-on-one time], it's hard not to be worried if your other friend(s) are feeling left out. Can't win 'em all! If only we had more time!

Marisa said...

loved this post, darlin... and loved dinner tonight with you and melissa. it was just what each of us needed. :)

just remember, great friends aren't always the ones you see on a regular daily basis. sometimes the people you see the least are the ones who cherish you & your friendship the most. because whenever they get the chance to see you, whether for a few days or a few minutes, they will always appreciate the time they did spend with you versus dwelling on the time that they didn't.

just carry on with your kind & thoughtful heart and the rest with fall into place. :)

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